


To the End of the Line

by Shippertrash_05



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: "Drunkenness", Angst, Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers Feels, Captain America: The First Avenger, Drama, M/M, Memories, Past Bucky Barnes/Steve Rogers, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-05
Updated: 2017-12-05
Packaged: 2019-02-10 05:08:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12904758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shippertrash_05/pseuds/Shippertrash_05
Summary: This is multiple situations that revolve around Steve Rogers and James Barnes.Some of the scenes I specifically watched the movie and wrote done lines in order to be accurate to what happened in the movie.I've added in my own things as well to those scenes to try to get across how Steve feels about Bucky.





	To the End of the Line

**_1945_ **

 

Steve Rogers stared at the bottle in front of him, pouring himself another glass.

_‘Completely useless. Can’t even get a buzz.’_

He was in that bar. The same bar where he gathered all of his ‘howling commandos’ to ask them to be part of his team. But now it was nothing more than rubble. Broken chairs and crumbling walls.

He clenched his jaw for a moment, taking another long sip from the glass full of alcohol. He still couldn’t wrap his head around what had just happened.

 

_“Bucky!” He screamed, moving toward the gaping hole in the train. “Hold on!” He leaned out into the biting air, starting to climb toward his best friend. He could feel the metal moving under his weight, hear the straining noises it made. “Hang on! Grab my hand!” He stretched his arm out, reaching for Bucky right as Bucky reached for him_

**_Crack._ **

_“AGHHHH!”_

_The piece of the train that Bucky had been clinging to for dear life fell. And with it, his best friend. Steve stared in silent shock, heart cracking in his chest as he clung to the train’s wall. ‘No…. NO!’ He wanted to scream. But nothing came out except for the puffs of air from his heavy breathing. He stared uselessly at the ground rushing beneath him, at the snow that he knew could not cushion his friend’s fall._

 

Steve blinked slowly, staring at the glass in front of him once more, now empty. He still felt nothing. Not even the slightest hint of effect from the alcohol. He heard the footsteps, but didn’t bother looking up at first. Why would he? It wasn’t going to be the person he wanted to see. It wasn’t going to be Bucky. It would _never_ again be Bucky.

He finally glanced over his shoulder, seeing Peggy standing there with her hands clasped in front of her. He took a long breath, reaching out for the bottle once more. He could feel the wetness that surrounded his eyes, knew that they were red from his crying. But he didn’t care.

“Dr. Erskine said that the serum wouldn’t just affect my muscles, it would affect my cells.” He poured another glass, only half full this time. “Create a… protective system of regeneration and healing which means uh… I can’t get drunk. Did you know that?”

“Your metabolism burns four times faster than the average person.” Peggy pulled up one of the chairs, placing it at the table where Steve sat. “He thought it could be one of the side effects.”

Steve stared at her for a moment, those red-rimmed eyes haunted and hollow.

“It wasn’t your fault…” Peggy finally murmured.

“Did you read the report?”

“Yes.”

Steve scoffed.

“Then you know that’s not true.”

“You did everything you could.”

There was a brief pause between the pair as Steve swallowed, doing his best not to start sobbing again.

“Did you believe in your friend?” Peggy broke the moment of silence. Steve glanced up at her for a moment before staring at his hands clasped around the glass once more.

_Yes._

“Did you respect him?”

Another pause as Steve considered her words.

_Yes._

“Then stop blaming yourself. Allow Barnes the dignity of his choice. He damn well must have thought you were worth it.”

Steve stared at his hands, working his jaw as he thought about her words.

“I’m going after Schmidt. I’m not gonna stop ‘till all of HYDRA is dead or captured.”

“You won’t be alone.”

 

* * *

 

 

**_2012_ **

 

Steve leaned into his punches, hitting the punching bag as hard as he could. Every punch sounded like gunfire in his ear. Memories rushed through his head.

 

_The battles he fought against HYDRA. Him and his team slowly working their way through each and every single HYDRA base._

 

His punches got stronger, faster.

 

_The distinctive sound of a rifle. The man falling dead behind him. The glance that Steve gave to his best friend that he couldn’t even see, but knew was there. The salute in thanks for saving his life. Again._

 

Each breath was labored as Steve’s fists slammed against the punching bag. He could hear the tear starting to happen. But he didn’t pay attention to it.

 

_“There’s not enough time. I’ve gotta put her in the water.”_

_The plane. The tesseract. The crash._

 

Each punch started to sting, his knuckles protesting from the long drawn out session. But he wasn’t done. Not even close.

 

**_Crack._ **

_“AGHHHH!”_

_“BUCKY!”_

 

Steve panted softly, staring at the bag as it sailed across the room from the force of his last punch. He trembled slightly, watching as the sand flowed out like blood from a wound. His muscles strained as he moved, making his way over to the line of bags. He picked up another one, hooking it onto the chain with ease. He took a deep breath before resuming his punches.

“Trouble sleeping?”

He glanced up for a moment at the sound of Nick Fury’s voice, pausing in his actions before resuming them while he answered.

“I slept for seventy years sir. I think I’ve had my fill.”

_Left fist. Right fist. Right fist. Left fist._

His hands punched the bag in their own rhythm.

“You should be out. Celebrating. Seeing the world.”

Steve stared at the other man, sweat glistening at his temples as he licked his lips. He moved toward his gym bag, starting to unwind the tape on his hands.

“When I went under, the world was at war. I wake up, they say that we won. They didn’t say what we lost.”

His mind flashed to image of Bucky falling, seared inside his brain. The next of Peggy, so frail in her room, gray hair but still the strongest woman he knew.

He listened to Fury, staring at the file of the tesseract that was handed over to him.

_‘Another mission. Perfect,’_

“There’s a debriefing packet waiting for you back at your apartment.” Fury said as Steve started his walk out, gym bag in one hand and one of the punching bags over his shoulder. “Is there anything you can tell us about the tesseract that we ought to know now?”

“You should’ve left it in the ocean.”

 

* * *

 

**_2014_ **

**_Fight with the Winter Soldier_ **

 

_‘The Winter Soldier. James Buchanan Barnes. Bucky._ **_My_ ** _Bucky.’_

Steve tried to breathe properly as he processed the information. Bucky was not dead. No. It was way worse than that. Bucky was _a part_ of HYDRA. He was their assassin. The one they sent in to get the job done when no one else could. Steve clenched his jaw and his fist, staring at the wall in front of him as he tried to steady his breathing. It was like he was a kid with asthma all over again and he needed that damn inhaler.

 

_Steve was still crouching slightly, knees bent as he spun around, ready to face the Winter Soldier after he had just flipped the guy over. They stood feet apart, Steve breathing deeply as he gripped onto his shield._

_The black mask that covered half of the other man’s face was on the ground, forgotten. When the Winter Soldier turned to face him… Steve straightened to his full height, heart pounding as his chest heaved in time with his breaths._

_‘No. No way. No.’_

_James Buchanan Barnes stared at his former best friend, not even registering who the other man was. But Steve? Steve couldn’t fathom how this was happening._

_‘Alive. He’s alive. He’s_ **_here_ ** _and alive.’_

_“Bucky?” He breathed._

_A look of confusion crossed Bucky’s face, staring at the man across from him._

_“Who the hell is Bucky?” He steps forward, raising his right arm with the pistol and aiming straight at Steve._

_Steve doesn’t even flinch, still in shock from the sight of his best friend standing there with a gun pointed at him. But then Sam swoops in, kicking Bucky from behind and sending the brunette sprawling for a moment before he’s back on his feet, staring at Steve. His eyes faltered for a moment, as if there was a slight chance of recognition. But Steve still hasn’t moved, frozen to the spot in amazement. Bucky lifts the gun again, with his left arm. His_ **_metal_ ** _arm. There’s a shot. And Steve flinches, reacting automatically by lifting his shield and hiding behind it._

_‘I’m gonna die. Bucky is gonna kill me.’_

_But no. The shot came from behind him. Natasha with the grenade launcher. Steve stared at her for a moment, before turning his eyes quickly back toward Bucky._

_But he’s already gone._

 

**_2014_ **

**_Bucky_ **

 

Memories raced through the Winter Soldier’s head. Things weren’t adding up. He was so confused, his mind turning back and forth.

_‘Who was that guy? Did he know me? Who the hell is Bucky?’_

He clenched his jaw, knocking back one of the doctors who had been trying to hold him down.

_‘Don’t. Touch. Me.’_

His chest heaved as he sat in the chair, the technology around him meant that they would reprogram him soon. Something had scratched the surface. There was a part of him awakening deep inside. A part of him that _knew_ that soldier. And they didn’t like that. He was obedient. He was the perfect soldier. That was his definition. Perfect weapon. Face of HYDRA. Assassin. Lapdog.

_‘No.’_

“Mission report.” Pierce snapped

The Winter Soldier stayed silent, eyes staring blankly ahead.

“Mission report. Now.” Pierce repeated himself.

The backhanded slap across his face wasn’t exactly unexpected, but the Winter Soldier’s head snapped to the side, brunette hair flying with him for a moment.

“That man on the bridge… who was he?”

“You met him earlier this week on another assignment.”

_‘Lies.’_ His eyes flickered in confusion. _‘There’s something more. Something else. The way he looked at me… Who was he?’_

“I knew him.” Bucky stared at Pierce as he sat in front of him. His mind was working. He knew the man on the bridge. He did. He was only half listening to what Pierce said, finally speaking when the other man was finished. “But I knew him.”

 

**_2014_ **

**_The Helicarriers_ **

 

So close. They had two of the three helicarriers in sync. Steve was on his way to the third. They were almost there. He could do this.

And then there was Bucky, no. The Winter Soldier, standing with his feet apart, as if that spot was where he belonged, between Steve and the port that would finish linking the helicarriers.

Steve took a deep breath, staring at his best friend for a moment before speaking.

“People are gonna die Buck. I can’t let that happen…. Please don’t make me do this.”

The two stared each other down, Steve’s breath deepening as the panic settled in.

_‘I have to fight him to get this done.’_

So he threw his shield. That same shield that Bucky had used all those years ago to block one of HYDRA’s men before getting blasted out onto the side of that train.

The Winter Soldier lifted his metal arm, blocking Steve’s shield for a moment and causing it to ricochet back into Steve’s grasp.

_‘Can’t do this. Can’t fight him. But I have to.’_

Steve Rogers. Ever the obedient soldier. Too many lives were at stake for him to forgo this mission because of Bucky. Too many people, _good people_ , could die if he didn’t do this.

So he calculated each move just as he was trained, holding his shield up for the bullets fired at him and punching where he could reach Bucky.

_‘The Winter Soldier. As much as I want this to be Bucky. He doesn’t remember me. That doesn’t mean I won’t try to make him.’_

He worked his way to the targeting mechanism, removing the chip and almost grabbing the one that was needed to replace it.

But Bucky was there, dragging his attention away from the console in front of him.

They maneuvered together, fighting and blocking at each turn. Neither of them truly getting the upper hand. They knocked each other off the platform, the fight continuing on the glass of the enclosure of the helicarrier.

Steve finally go the upper hand, having hold of Bucky. He could feel his best friend struggling against him. Hear the grunt of pain that escaped Bucky when Steve twisted his arm. The pure look of agony twisted Steve’s features at the sound.

_‘I have to do this.’_

He finally was able to knock Bucky out, grabbing the chip and racing to get back up to the platform.

**_Bang._ **

A bullet to his leg, making him stumble for a moment.

He pushed on.

**_Bang._ **

That one made him lose his grip on the edge of the platform for a moment before he yanked himself up. He stood at the console, pulling the chip out again and ready to place it in the console.

**_Bang._ **

This time the bullet found purchase in his gut. Steve grunted, sinking against the console as he did his best to breath. He moved slowly, almost too slowly, before finally locking the chip into place.

“Fire now.” Steve breathed. He could hear Maria Hill start to argue with him about how he wasn’t clear. But Steve didn’t care. “Do it now!” He glanced over the platform rail, seeing Bucky stuck underneath some of the fallen debris.

It seemed to take forever, but Steve finally made his way down to his best friend, grunting as it took everything he had to lift the metalwork off his best friend. He watched as Bucky squirmed, making his way out from under the debris.

“You know me.” Steve grumbled as Bucky stood to face him.

“No I don’t!” The brunette shouted, bringing the fist of his metal arm up to slam against Steve’s shield.

“Bucky… you’ve known me your whole life.”

Bucky made a backhanded punch to Steve’s face.

He didn’t bother to block it, panting softly.

_‘Need to get through to him. I need to. I can do this.’_

“Your name… is James Buchanan Barnes…”

_“SHUT UP!”_

Bucky’s fist slammed against his shield, knocking Steve back and knocking off his helmet as well. Steve grunted, licking his lips as he stood up once more.

“I’m not going to fight you…” He dropped his shield, staring at Bucky as they stood there together. “You’re my friend.”

Bucky growled, tackling Steve against the glass.

“You’re my mission.”

His metal fist slammed repeatedly into Steve’s face.

**_One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six._ **

Bucky gripped onto Steve’s uniform, breathing heavy.

_‘This guy is suicidal. Does he_ **_want_ ** _me to fucking kill him? Fight back you moron!’_ Bucky almost shouted at the man underneath him. _‘Fight back!’_ He pulled his metal arm, ready to deal another blow.

“Then finish it.” Steve wheezed out, staring up at Bucky with half-lidded eyes. “Cause I’m with ya… to the end of the line.”

Bucky’s eyes widened, fist lowering slowly.

_‘Steve….’_

But the next second, Steve was gone, falling into the water as Bucky clung to the broken metal that in turn clung to the helicarrier. His chest heaved, breaths escaping him in pants.

_‘Steve…’_

He watched, mind still jumbled as Steve hit the water and disappeared from his sight.

_‘NO!’_

Bucky dropped from the helicarrier, diving into the water after the man. He could feel a warmth in his stomach like never before. He knew this man. HYDRA had lied to him. He knew Steve. He still wasn’t sure why the name made his stomach flip like the Cyclone on Coney Island. Bucky blinked as his own body hit the water.

_‘Why do I remember that? What the fuck is going on?’_ He wanted to scream as he swam, even strokes of his arms through the water to reach the fallen soldier.

_To reach Steve._

He dragged Steve from the water, staring down at the man for a moment.

_‘Just who the fuck are you to me…?’_

But Bucky wasn’t entirely sure if he was ready for that answer. So he left Steve at the edge of the water, making his way along the riverbank.

_‘Gotta get out of here. Gotta get away.’_

 

* * *

 

**_2016_ **

**_Bucharest, Romania_ **

 

James Buchanan Barnes sighed quietly, running his right hand over his face as he pushed himself up from the pile of sheets and mattress he called a bed. He was dreading today. He already knew that he had to go into town. He had been running low on a few things and would need to go to the marketplace.

_‘You’ve been on the run for two years. Nobody’s noticed you. You haven’t stuck out. Kept the fucking metal arm hidden from anyone and everyone. You’ll be fine. Just another day.’_ Bucky had to keep telling himself that as he readied to go out. He pulled on a pair of jeans, frowning softly as a photograph fluttered out of the pocket. He bent down, reaching out with his right hand to pick up the photo.

He stared at the two guys in the picture, heart pounding in his chest.

_‘Forgot I stole this…’_

In the photo, he stood beside Steve. Pre-serum Steve that is. And he was just Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes at the time. No metal arm. No tendencies to kill and follow orders.

_‘Well, only to kill anyone who fucked with Steve.’_

He couldn’t help but smile to himself at the grins on both of their faces. He had one arm slung over Steve’s slim waist.

_‘God he was so tiny back then…’_ He chuckled for a moment, biting his bottom lip as he got himself lost in the memory of that night.

 

_“Come on Steve. It’s just you and me tonight.” Bucky clapped his hand against Steve’s shoulder, almost knocking his best friend over with the force._

_“What? No dames tonight?” Steve’s voice was a little hopeful at that and Bucky couldn’t help the grin on his lips. Things had been… different for the past few weeks up to Bucky’s deployment. He found himself wanting to spend even more time with Steve and less time trying to impress the ladies. Sure they had gone out that night to the Stark Expo but when Bucky found out that Steve had actually been accepted to enlist? He would be damned if he would let Steve out of his site in those last few weeks._

_Sure he had always_ **_known_ ** _he was attracted to guys as as girls. But it wasn’t like he could come right out and say it to Steve. Could he? Hell no. It was the 1940’s and he wasn’t about to get Steve in trouble because of how he felt. But they were both about to go off to war soon. He had to take a chance_ **_sometime._ **

_“Nope. Just you and me. Come on.” He reached out for Steve’s hand, a slight smirk on his lips._

_“I can walk by myself Buck. I might be one of the sickest human beings on the planet but I’m not paralyzed or anything.” Steve huffed slightly, a tint to his cheeks as Bucky grabbed his hand anyways._

_“Don’t sass me Rogers.” Bucky shot him a playful glare, smirking and leading Steve to their destination._

 

Bucky blinked slowly, rubbing his temple and shaking his head. Everything was still coming back to him in slight pieces. The memories. The feelings.

_‘Steve. Steve. Steve. Steve.’_

That was his main thought most days. But he couldn’t possibly go to Steve. He was Captain America and Bucky was the Winter Soldier. Bucky was an _assassin_ while Steve was the definition of America’s Golden Boy.

So no. He could never be with Steve. Especially with the triggers in his head. If someone said the right words… Bam. Winter Soldier. He could kill Steve, had almost killed him because Steve wouldn’t fight back two years ago. So now he wouldn’t go near Steve. Couldn’t go near Steve. Not until he figured out some sort of way to get rid of those triggers

Bucky took a deep breath, shrugging on his shirt and a jacket to hide the metal arm. He pulled on his cap, biting his bottom lip gently.

_‘Alright. Time to go to the market. It’ll be fine. Nothing to worry about.’_

Bucky rolled his shoulders, biting his bottom and taking a deep breath as he shouldered his backpack.

 

Boy was Bucky wrong.

 

**_2016_ **

**_The Kiss_ **

 

“Can you move your seat up?” Bucky clenched his jaw, hating how squished he was in the back of the Volkswagen Bug. Honestly, Sam should have been in the back, not him. He was slimmer, less muscles, less weight. He would have fit perfectly. But that jerk had called shotgun. _‘People do that? What the fuck?’_ Bucky had stared at Sam as he smirked and opened the front seat where Bucky could climb in the back.

Bucky glared at the blonde with her hands on Steve.

_Kissing. His. Steve._

_His Steve._

_‘The fuck does she think she is?’_ He knew he didn’t have any right to be so pissed off and infuriated at the sight of Steve Rogers kissing the woman as they waited in that tiny clown car. No. He had absolutely zero fucking right to Steve now. Especially after everything that had happened. Especially since he didn’t even know how Steve felt about him. But of course he couldn’t help the blood that boiled in his veins.

_‘Shouldn’t feel like this. Not even mine. Nowhere_ **_near_ ** _mine.’_

Bucky breathed in deeply, nails of his right hand digging into his palm. He could hear the slight creak of his metal arm as he as clenched that fist.

He quickly schooled his features as Steve turned around to face them. Bucky placed the fakest smirk he could on his face, trying not to give anything away. He was an assassin for Christ’s sake. He could pretend that he was perfectly fine with the love of his life making out with some blonde. Right?

Wrong.

 

**_2016_ **

**_Wakanda_ **

 

They were about to put him into the cryofreeze again.

_ ‘Now or never. You have to do this. You can dodge bullets and fight fucking Iron Man but you’re scared to kiss Steve Rogers?’ _

He rolled his eyes, flexing the fingers of his hand as he sighed quietly.

_ ‘And you’ve only got one arm thanks to Stark.’ _

He shook his head quickly, focusing on the people that surrounded them.

“Steve.” He murmured, grabbing onto the sleeve of Steve’s jacket as Steve spoke with T’Challa. He tugged on the jacket sleeve. “Steve.” He said his name in a more firm tone. Steve glanced over his shoulder at Bucky, raising one eyebrow. “I need to talk to you.” He murmured and let go of the sleeve, fingers tapping nervously against his thigh. “Alone.”

“Yeah of course Buck. Come on.” Steve nodded to T’Challa before walking with Bucky out of the room. They made their way outside, Bucky still fiddling nervously with the edge of his shirt. “What’s wrong Buck?”

“Nothing I just.. There’s been something I’ve been meaning to tell you.. Something I’ve been meaning to talk to you for like.. Seventy years. Never really got the chance… what with HYDRA literally everywhere… Like back before the war, I was going to tell you then. The night before my deployment but things got away from us…” He swallowed roughly, shaking his head for a moment.

“Bucky…?” Steve’s voice took on a questioning tone as he raised one eyebrow. “What-”

The rest of his sentence was swallowed by Bucky’s lips. He wrapped his arm around Steve’s shoulders, cupping the back of his neck and kissing him roughly. A surprised gasp escaped the blonde’s lips as they kissed, teeth clacking and tongues twisting together.

Steve’s hands gripped onto Bucky’s hips, pulling them tightly together. Bucky could hardly breathe, his mind spinning with the kiss as his body was yanked against Steve’s. The kiss deepened, with Steve’s hands digging into Bucky’s hips and lifting him up with ease. Bucky’s legs wrapped automatically around Steve’s waist. It was as if their roles had been reversed from when they were kids. Steve was always the one getting dragged around by Bucky but now it was the other way around.

Bucky pulled away for a second, his breathing deep and raspy as he stared at Steve.

“Seventy years? Seriously? You’ve wanted to do that for seventy years and you chose  _ now _ to actually do it?” Steve laughed softly.


End file.
